LA Rams: Why white for the new uniforms?

Mandatory Credit: Kirby Lee-USA TODAY Sports
Mandatory Credit: Kirby Lee-USA TODAY Sports /

While nothing official (but confirming reports from unnamed sources suggests that won’t be very long in coming) has been formally announced by the LA Rams front office (yet) about the team’s new uniform, speculation about it being white – yes, white – has run rampant.

Conjecture went off the chart recently when rookie wide receiver Tutu Atwell made, well, a rookie move, by inadvertently leaking us all a peek at what amounts to about as much excitement as when Geraldo Rivera opened Al Capone’s vaults on live television a few years ago – to nothing, just emptiness, dust, cobwebs, and nada. When Atwell shared a video to Instagram on Tuesday that showed him signing a big stack of white jerseys alongside the team’s existing blue home and bone-colored road uniforms, the cat escaped its bag.

White. As in, safe. As in, timid. As in, boring. As in, yawn. As in bleached and ready for a tint, a hue, a shade, a hint of some other color. As in, the worst color to wear as it stains in a dense fog. Really? Is that the best you could do?

The Rams “bones” uniform already looks like dirty, unwashed tidy whiteys underwear to me. You coulda gone Gold, or Yellow Sol, or Midnight Black, or even a Navy Blue, but instead, you go White?

Didn’t exactly throw caution to the winds or take any color chances there now did you, Demoff?

That’s like facing a down and distance of fourth and long, so let’s drop back in punt formation and play this one safe. We’ll go with basic, tidy brighty whitey white. Nobody can criticize us for choosing safe white.

And while here’s hoping this is all just that – mere speculation, there’s a distinct possibility we have waited all this time for something bold and daring, and instead, we get steady-Freddie safety white.

It’s not as if So-Fi has real grass, so the home crowd won’t even get to see grass stains on these puppies. Too bad. Timid seemed to carry the day with the brass. Because white is anything but brass.

White is demure. White is mousy. White is Milquetoast. White is Penn State Nittany Lions boringly mundane and lifeless. Not exactly shock and awe. Reminds me of an old Peggy Lee song. “Is that all there is? Is that all there is? If that’s all there is, my friends, then let’s keep dancing.”

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Except there is no dancing. This color choice is tame, humdrum, and well, colorless.

Consider me underwhelmed.